How to Win Friends and Influence People

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The Principles

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
- Rewarding good behavior is better, criticizing does not yield anything positive
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
- People respond well to being praised and important
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want
- Give people what they want, not what you want

Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
Principle 2: Smile
Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
Principle 4: Be a good listener
- Encourage people to talk about themselves
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
- Discuss what they enjoy
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely

Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
- Arguing is a lose-lose scenario, even if you win, you made the other person resent you
- Welcome disagreement as a learning opportunity
- Delay action to give time to both side to consider the problem and keep calm
- Look for areas of agreement first and listen
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
- Appreciates the other person’s point of view and encourages forgiveness and mercy
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way
Principle 5: Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
- Build an accepting open attitude
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
- Aim for 75% listening, 25% speaking
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
- Let them see partial ideas to completion so they own them
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
- “Makes sense. If I were you, I would feel the same way.”
Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives
- Most people want to be honest and fulfill their obligations. Treat them as honest, upright, and fair
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas
- Adding funny, drama, or visuals can make ideas more identifiable and interesting to the audience
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
- Make tasks into a game

Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Appreciate a person’s strengths
- Criticism sandwich - start with a praise, what to do different, and positive compliment
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
- “We’re really proud of you, Billy, for getting better grades this semester, and if you continue your efforts next semester, your math grade can be up with all the others.”
- Use “and” instead of “but” to frame it in a positive light
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Open with honesty of your own past mistakes which suggesting what could be done
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Principle 5: Let the other person save face
- Describe what they did well first so they know they are valued
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
- Appeal to their nobler motives of responsibility, fairness, openness, diligence, and their past performance
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
- Offering incentives, praise, and authority are all ways to make a person happily accept decisions